Ethan's First Birthday

No words tonight...

Just so much love.



(Click pause on the music player at the bottom of this page before clicking on the video.)

You Are Nine Months Old, Baby Boy!

Sweet Ethan,

We took "baby boy blue" balloons to your grave today.

They are bouncing around in the wind, reminding us you are not dead--- you are absolutely full of life!

And we went to the Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting tonight... it is an annual event held to remember and honor children who have passed from this life to the next.

Our favorite part of the evening?

Your name was called out:

"Ethan Carter Lane"

And Daddy, Sissy and I walked up on stage...

Sissy was between Daddy and I, and we all held hands...

With our free hands, Daddy and I each lit the candles we held that represented you from a beautiful big candle... and then the three of us walked with the candles back to our seats.

The room soon filled with candles burning bright...

as so many precious children were honored... including Mrs. Kay's son, Mark... and Mrs. Wendy's sister, Staci.

Today you are nine months old, Baby Boy...

I can't believe it.

Most of all, I can't believe you aren't here with us.

One day, there will be no more candle lighting...

Because we will hold you again.

We wait with great expectation for that day!

We love you and we miss you--- beyond words, beyond measure.

Love,

Mama

To My Son

Dear Ethan,

We took some Christmas decorations out to the cemetery yesterday.

We know you will spend Christmas with Jesus, but we wanted to bring them to your marker, anyway...

because you are our son.

And we miss you so much.

How amazing it must feel to look into the eyes of the One Who came on that first Christmas Day...

To have Him hold you...

I know you are happy, Sweet Boy.

It is how I can still breathe... that and knowing I will be with you again one day.

This Christmas season has already been so hard... and we still have weeks to go before Christmas Day.

I love you, Sweet Boy.

Enjoy the arms of Jesus, Baby.

Love,

Mama

Ethan's Marker Is Almost Complete!

Ethan's new picture arrived about two weeks ago, and it is beautiful!

For those of you who read an earlier post, you might remember me mentioning that the picture on the right side of the marker was going to be replaced (we didn't like how it had turned out--- they put a black background behind it which required them to make some other changes, and it just didn't look like our Ethan).

I would like to take this opportunity to say that we love Paula, the manager at the cemetery and the one we purchased everything through... she has been such a blessing to us! We know we are probably high maintenance. :)

Now, all we are waiting for is the custom granite (it will be black and have Ethan's very own handprints and footprints etched into it)!

By the way, Emily adores cleaning her Little Brother's "special place"... she begs for the brush every day!

Ethan Turns Six Months Old

My heart is so heavy.

Once again, words fail to express the pain.

Ethan turned six months old on Sunday, September 12th.

We do not say he would have turned six months old, we say he is six months old--- because he is alive. And since we do not know exactly how old he is in Heaven, we will continue to count his age the only way we know how.

As every mother (and father) knows, there is just something about your baby turning six months old.

On Ethan's six-month birthday, we did not get to marvel at how fast he has grown up or give him his first bite of cereal. There were no cute pictures to mark this precious milestone... and no big smiles or slobbery kisses.

But even though Ethan is in Heaven, there is just something about him turning six months old.

So instead of sweet pictures, rice cereal, and talk of how time flies... instead of the kisses and smiles we ache for...

There was a balloon... a homemade card from his Sissy... a teddy she chose so carefully... many, many tears...

And a prayer that God would tell Ethan how much we love him.

Ethan's marker on his six-month birthday (the current granite is just temporary until the custom black granite with his handprints and footprints etched in it arrives... also, the ceramic picture on the right is being redone--- we wanted it with its original background, like it is on the blog):



"IT IS A PRIVILEGE TO BE YOUR FAMILY. NOT THE END."