Blessings

I can't believe Julia Carter is going to be 3 years old tomorrow! Every night at bedtime, I put my hand on each of the girls' hearts and bless them. To Emily, I say, "God bless you and heal your heart." It's the same blessing I have pronounced over her since she was 5 years old, when I started. To Julia, I say, "God bless you. God thank you for the Miracle and Gift of Julia." The story behind both of their blessings involve their brother. Julia's blessing is a daily thanksgiving to God for giving her to us after losing her brother... for our "Rainbow Baby". It is also a daily reminder that He healed her heart Supernaturally upon birth. We will never forget when the Cardiologists could not find the heart problem, even though they (and other!) Cardiologists had diagnosed her with it while she was still in my womb. We were part of a special Fetal Anomalies Clinic at UAB for my pregnancy. My labor and her delivery were traumatic and scary and involved a four-hour ambulance ride to UAB and "normal" birth when it was supposed to be my third c-section. Immediately after birth, she was rushed (per the plan) to the Cardiac NICU. Less than a day later, they did her first Echo-cardiogram, and found nothing but a PERFECT heart! 48 hours after birth, she was discharged to come home! Six weeks later, after another follow-up visit, she was officially discharged from her Cardiologist's care! She had Emily and Ethan's Cardiologist for exactly ONE appointment. My family knows heartache and loss very well. And we also recognize the Miracles of God, and the three Perfect Gifts He has given us. We don't ever want to take them for granted! Happy Birthday to our Julia Carter Lane!

The World's Best OB And The Preacher's Kid

Dr. Virginia Nelson and Ethan on April 19, 2010.

Although no one could have ever imagined it then, this would be the last time they would see each other this side of Heaven.

One of our many fond memories with Dr. Nelson is the day she circumcised Ethan (a week or two before this picture was taken). She also circumcised two other baby boys that morning, and when she was done, she came out to talk to all the parents. When she got to us, she explained that Ethan was a "typical preacher's kid" with a big smile. She had needed to put a couple of stitches in because he would not stop bleeding, and he was only the third baby she had ever had to do that to. He was totally fine, of course, but leave it to the preacher's kid to misbehave! :)

Sacred

On Wednesday, Josh and I drove to UAB and met with Ethan's Cardiologist, Dr. McMahon, to discuss the details of Ethan's death.

The meeting was three hours long, and I cannot explain how difficult it was to hear exactly how our son died.

We are so, so broken.

Yet, the Presence of God was there in such a powerful way. I cannot explain it, either... not adequately.

Dr. McMahon told us he has been at UAB for 15 years, and does 400-500 cardiac caths each year...

and Ethan is only the second patient he has lost.

Are you serious, Lord??

The last hour of our son's life here on Earth is so incredibly sacred to us. We will hold it and ponder it in our hearts forever... just as we do his entire 12 weeks--- and the nine months I carried him in my womb.

For three hours, we sat with Dr. McMahon...

The same man who tried so desperately to save our son's life... the same man who, with tears streaming down his face, had to tell us Ethan was in Heaven... the same man who cradled Ethan in his arms as if he were his own son when he brought him to us...

and the same man who cries and grieves with us still.

He is part of a sacred story...

The story of our son.