Quick Update On Julia

We saw my OB today, and discussed Julia's diagnosis and the plan of action for the rest of my pregnancy, which will include a team of doctors.

I will post more details later, but I wanted to give a quick update on our sweet girl...

Dr. Nelson did a Biophysical Profile today, and Julia passed with flying colors! Her heart rate was 150 (excellent), she moved so much the tech couldn't even get good pictures for us, there was plenty of amniotic fluid around her, and she was practicing her breathing like a pro! :)

We got to see her precious nose, lips, eyes, hands, feet... all in black and white, but all undeniably adorable!

She did a big yawn for us, and this mama's heart melted into a pool on the floor!

Please keep us in your prayers as we make decisions about her care, but most of all, please keep praying for a miracle with us!

Thank you for the outpouring of love that has been shown to us--- on here, on facebook, and in person... we love you right back! :)

Love,

Julia's Mama

Her Life Has Been Ordained

Yesterday morning, Julia had her fetal echo.

When I was pregnant with Ethan, we asked Emily's cardiologist (who would become Ethan's, too) what the chances were that Ethan would be born with the same heart defect she has. We have the familial form of the disease (meaning it runs in my family), and he told us every baby I have has a 50% chance of having it.

Although we didn't know the exact percentage of likelihood when we got pregnant with Emily or Ethan, we always knew there was a significant chance I'd pass the heart problem down to my children. Hearing the "50%" didn't change anything--- we would have had our children, anyway.

When we made the decision to get pregnant with Julia, we agonized over it only because we had buried Ethan, not because he had had the heart defect.

But we knew when we decided to have her that chance had nothing to do with whether or not she would have the heart defect. Like He had with Emily and Ethan, we knew God would simply say, "Yes, I will allow the heart defect", or "No, I will not."

And for the third time, He has decided to allow it.

The pediatric cardiologist who did Julia's echo yesterday told us Julia has Supravalvular Aortic Stenosis like her brother and sister, possibly has Supravalvular Pulmonic Stenosis like them, and in addition, her aortic valve looks abnormal, so it is probably narrowed, as well.

Although the problem with the aortic valve is due to the same heart defect, this is one part Emily and Ethan did not have, and it may mean Julia will have to have surgery at birth.

She will be getting regular fetal echos, and we have been instructed to deliver her at UAB.

I would be lying if I told you we aren't terrified.

I would also be lying if I told you Julia isn't worth every bit of the fear.

Like Emily and Ethan, she is irreplacable.

We are asking our friends and family to pray with us for a miracle.

We want the doctors to be beside themselves with confusion as they watch the heart problem completely disappear.

We want to show the world--- through our precious little girl--- what our God can do.

Will you bend your knees and call out Julia's name before the Father with us?

We know He has ordained her life, just as He ordained Emily and Ethan's.

Thank you for your love.

Ethan and Julia

I know I haven't spoken about Ethan's little sister on here very often (only twice, to be exact), but I trust you know it isn't because we have a lack of excitement about her approaching arrival or a diminished love for her.

The truth is, we are bursting with excitement and love... and also very, very emotional.

I am 22 1/2 weeks pregnant now, and Julia Carter is a very active little baby. I feel her move often throughout each day (she is actually moving right now!), and it brings my heart such joy.

It is also a vivid reminder of when Ethan was moving around in my belly.

While this reminder is not needed (I remember everything about Ethan!), it is a reminder none the less.

I don't know how to adequately express what I'm trying to say, but I feel the need to try...

There is such a thing as joy and sadness running together.

I can be so happy about this little girl in my belly and yet mourn so deeply the Big Brother she will never meet this side of Heaven.

When she kicks me, or stretches out inside of me, or punches around with her little fists, I am in awe of her...

and of the sweet boy who came before her.

Silence Is Scary

Josh and Emily are at the store, and the house is quiet.

I'm tempted to turn on the TV just for the noise, but I know I need to learn how to be at peace with the silence.

Since Ethan's been gone, I've been afraid of it.

I always have noise on in the background (or my daughter here, full of life!), and I mean always.

If I am ready for bed before Josh, I have the TV on or am on the laptop until he comes into the room, and I dare not even attempt to lay my head on the pillow and go to sleep without him.

Frankly, silence gives me too much time to think... and I think enough even with all the constant noise around me.

Silence means my eyes well up with tears immediately (like they are doing now) as I miss my baby boy and can feel him in my arms... hear his little voice cooing... taste his little baby slobber...

My heart aches with the pain of being without him... a physical ache I've never known before and can't even begin to describe.

Silence is scary...

And yet, I need to be silent in order to hear God's voice more easily.

He loves the silence.

For one thing, He loves when we are vulnerable... when we admit we don't have it all in the bag... that this life is scary and painful and... unfair.

I think He wearies of us acting like we always have everything all under control.

Like we don't need Him.

When that's just not true at all.

Thanks for listening to this mama's heart.