Our Precious Ethan Carter

Ethan Carter Lane was born on March 12, 2010, perfectly healthy except for a rare congenital heart defect (Supravalvular Aortic Stenosis and Supravalvular Pulmonic Stenosis) that has been passed down through the generations in my family. His sister, Emily (born November 22, 2004), has the same defect. She had two cardiac catheterizations with balloon angioplastys and open-heart surgery, all before the age of one. She is a happy, energetic little girl who has never been sickly (you would never even know she has a heart defect) and has an incredible future. Her little brother Ethan was expected to follow a similar course. He was a "normal baby"... he never looked or acted sick, never struggled, never let us know just how severe his heart defect really was. On June 4, 2010, at two months and three weeks of age, Ethan underwent his first procedure--- a cardiac catheterization with balloon angioplasty. Only they never started the actual procedure. When someone is put under general anesthesia, their blood pressure drops. When the doctors put our precious Ethan under, his heart could not handle the drop in blood pressure. He went into sudden, unexpected cardiac arrest, and teams of doctors tried everything they knew to save him. But, Jesus did the saving that day in His Own special way... and Ethan went to live forever in Heaven. This blog is simply one mother working through her grief and reconciling a Loving God with One Who allows us to suffer the loss of a child. It is also one mother wanting the world to know about her incredibly special son--- and the God Who loves him.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Ethan and Julia

I know I haven't spoken about Ethan's little sister on here very often (only twice, to be exact), but I trust you know it isn't because we have a lack of excitement about her approaching arrival or a diminished love for her.

The truth is, we are bursting with excitement and love... and also very, very emotional.

I am 22 1/2 weeks pregnant now, and Julia Carter is a very active little baby. I feel her move often throughout each day (she is actually moving right now!), and it brings my heart such joy.

It is also a vivid reminder of when Ethan was moving around in my belly.

While this reminder is not needed (I remember everything about Ethan!), it is a reminder none the less.

I don't know how to adequately express what I'm trying to say, but I feel the need to try...

There is such a thing as joy and sadness running together.

I can be so happy about this little girl in my belly and yet mourn so deeply the Big Brother she will never meet this side of Heaven.

When she kicks me, or stretches out inside of me, or punches around with her little fists, I am in awe of her...

and of the sweet boy who came before her.
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