Dear Ethan,
Happy Valentine's Day, Sweet Boy!
How I wish you were here... but you are still Mama's Little Valentine! Always will be. I love you and miss you so much.
God continues to teach me so much about gratitude as I walk through this life without you by my side. How I wish you walked next to me, tugging at my hand, always needing something...
It is amazing to think that you don't need anything from me... heartbreaking, yet at the same time, amazing.
The fact that all your needs are met... that you are perfectly happy and whole... it makes my heart smile, in spite of the constant ache.
How I long to tell you I love you face to face today...
How I wish I was receiving a sticky, handmade valentine sealed with a kiss from my one and only son.
Your sisters are beautiful... simply beautiful.
Their hearts shine... I know you know this already, and are so proud.
What is Valentine's Day like in Heaven?
I suspect it's not celebrated.
After all, you are surrounded by perfect love each and every day. Valentine's Day has no place in Heaven. It simply isn't needed.
Here on Earth, we need it. We need a day to stop and take the time to show our love for each other just a little more purposefully and intentionally than we do most days.
But in Heaven?
You never forget to tell each other. Jesus never forgets to tell you.
You are aware every moment of just how much you are loved.
You know to the full extent the love Jesus has for you, and the love Daddy and I and the rest of your family have for you... you know it perfectly.
Oh, how my heart rejoices at this!
Love,
Mama
Showing posts with label Dear Ethan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dear Ethan. Show all posts
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Thursday, September 27, 2012
I Feel You
Dear Ethan,
I feel you...
in every sunset,
every rainbow,
every rain.
In your sisters' laugh,
in their love,
when I speak your name.
In my dreams:
when I'm asleep,
when I'm awake.
I feel you...
with every breath I take.
Ethan Carter, the evening before he met Jesus face to face.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Missing You, Sweet Ethan
Missing you on my birthday, Baby Boy...
Two years ago on my birthday weekend, I found out you were in my belly... and it was then, instantly, that you were in my heart!
I love you with an everlasting, ever-present love.
And I miss you that much, too.
Two years ago on my birthday weekend, I found out you were in my belly... and it was then, instantly, that you were in my heart!
I love you with an everlasting, ever-present love.
And I miss you that much, too.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
This Day Last Year
Resting up (doesn't this position look SO uncomfortable? But he loved sleeping this way!)...
So Mama can make me do "tummy time"! You can't tell, but most of the time I liked it! :)
I love and miss you, Sweet Boy--- as always!
So Mama can make me do "tummy time"! You can't tell, but most of the time I liked it! :)
I love and miss you, Sweet Boy--- as always!
Friday, April 15, 2011
My Heart Is Aching...
to be with you again.
Ethan, these pictures (taken on April 14, 2010) remind me of your first weeks home from the hospital, when your Daddy, Sissy and I would tease that you looked like "a little old man"... especially when you were up on our shoulder, your little face peeking over it and your little cheeks hanging down! :) We nicknamed you "Benjamin Button" and toted you around the house, smothering you with kisses!
We love and miss you, Sweet Boy... we are ready for Jesus to come back and get us!
Ethan, these pictures (taken on April 14, 2010) remind me of your first weeks home from the hospital, when your Daddy, Sissy and I would tease that you looked like "a little old man"... especially when you were up on our shoulder, your little face peeking over it and your little cheeks hanging down! :) We nicknamed you "Benjamin Button" and toted you around the house, smothering you with kisses!
We love and miss you, Sweet Boy... we are ready for Jesus to come back and get us!
Monday, April 11, 2011
The Cutest Little Bottom...
belongs to this Little Monkey!
We love you, Ethan!!
(Pictures taken May 1, 2010.)
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Working With Daddy
Daddy and Ethan, May 25, 2010
Daddy's desk is always a mess, but what captured Ethan's attention was Daddy's screensaver! :)
Daddy would give anything to be able to have you in his office again, Sweet Boy!
We love you beyond measure and miss you every moment!
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Ethan's First Birthday
No words tonight...
Just so much love.
(Click pause on the music player at the bottom of this page before clicking on the video.)
Just so much love.
(Click pause on the music player at the bottom of this page before clicking on the video.)
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
A Special Anniversary
I have so many emotions going on right now, but I wanted to share a tidbit from Ethan's life, so I'm going to just copy and paste my facebook status from today:
"Hubby and I have been married for nine years today! :) Last year on this date, I was in the hospital having constant contractions with Ethan (again!!), and Dr. Nelson was preparing to do my c-section the next day (or in the middle of the night if my water broke), because she wasn't sure she could stop the contractions and needed to keep my uterus from rupturing. But she did stop them, so she scheduled his birthday for March 12th instead. It is a memory that brings tears to my eyes and a catch in my throat, because it is an incredibly precious part of Ethan's life and our family's story..."
We will always remember the wedding anniversary Ethan was in my belly and we thought we were going to meet him the next day!
Daddy, Sissy and I are missing you today, Sweet Boy... as always!
We love you and anxiously await Reunion Day!
"Hubby and I have been married for nine years today! :) Last year on this date, I was in the hospital having constant contractions with Ethan (again!!), and Dr. Nelson was preparing to do my c-section the next day (or in the middle of the night if my water broke), because she wasn't sure she could stop the contractions and needed to keep my uterus from rupturing. But she did stop them, so she scheduled his birthday for March 12th instead. It is a memory that brings tears to my eyes and a catch in my throat, because it is an incredibly precious part of Ethan's life and our family's story..."
We will always remember the wedding anniversary Ethan was in my belly and we thought we were going to meet him the next day!
Daddy, Sissy and I are missing you today, Sweet Boy... as always!
We love you and anxiously await Reunion Day!
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Looking Up
Dear Ethan,
Last night we had an all-night prayer meeting at church... we met at 9:00pm and prayed and worshipped until 6:00am this morning.
Your Sissy tried hard to stay awake as long as she could, but alas, at 2:00am, her little body gave in to sweet dreams in her sleeping bag on the front pew... as Mr. Micah led us in worship with his guitar! :)
Earlier, though, she did something that melted my heart...
I was at the altar, and she was next to me.
Lying in her Disney Princess sleeping bag.
With her Barbie pillow.
And her little hands clasped tightly in prayer.
"Dear God, I wish you would..." I heard her say, in her little girl voice.
The rest was a whisper... just her and Her Saviour.
Precious.
Ethan, I know you talk to Him, too...
Only you do it face to face.
I know you are full of joy... of love... of wonder...
But, I miss you.
I'm praying God will tell you how very, very much I love you...
How I long for you...
How I am counting down the days until we are all together again.
One day, He will split the sky.
And I am looking up.
Last night we had an all-night prayer meeting at church... we met at 9:00pm and prayed and worshipped until 6:00am this morning.
Your Sissy tried hard to stay awake as long as she could, but alas, at 2:00am, her little body gave in to sweet dreams in her sleeping bag on the front pew... as Mr. Micah led us in worship with his guitar! :)
Earlier, though, she did something that melted my heart...
I was at the altar, and she was next to me.
Lying in her Disney Princess sleeping bag.
With her Barbie pillow.
And her little hands clasped tightly in prayer.
"Dear God, I wish you would..." I heard her say, in her little girl voice.
The rest was a whisper... just her and Her Saviour.
Precious.
Ethan, I know you talk to Him, too...
Only you do it face to face.
I know you are full of joy... of love... of wonder...
But, I miss you.
I'm praying God will tell you how very, very much I love you...
How I long for you...
How I am counting down the days until we are all together again.
One day, He will split the sky.
And I am looking up.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Constant Longing
Say a prayer for me today, if you will...
The longing for our son is constant...
and nothing fills the void.
(Ethan Carter at one week old--- March 19, 2010)
I can't wait to look into your beautiful eyes again, Ethan!
Your Sissy put lipstick on me and did my hair this morning... wish you could see it! :)
I love you, Sweet Boy.
The longing for our son is constant...
and nothing fills the void.
(Ethan Carter at one week old--- March 19, 2010)
I can't wait to look into your beautiful eyes again, Ethan!
Your Sissy put lipstick on me and did my hair this morning... wish you could see it! :)
I love you, Sweet Boy.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Our Little Valentine
Dear Ethan,
You are our Little Valentine.
We love you and miss you more than we will ever be able to express.
You captured our hearts while you were still in my tummy... which is where you spent your very first Valentine's Day!
We remember it so clearly...
I was on strict bed rest with you (and had been since the first week of January), so Daddy made stuffed shells and we snuggled on the couch together, watching a movie he gave me called "No Greater Love". The other part of my gift was the precious Willow Tree figurine that sits on your dresser... we were awaiting your arrival with great anticipation!
Now we await our arrival in Heaven with great anticipation--- because then we will be with you forever!
Happy First Valentine's Day in Heaven, Sweet Boy... to think you are spending it with the One Who is Love...
Love,
Mama, Daddy and Sissy
Getting ready for you... your nursery on March 1, 2010. :)
You are our Little Valentine.
We love you and miss you more than we will ever be able to express.
You captured our hearts while you were still in my tummy... which is where you spent your very first Valentine's Day!
We remember it so clearly...
I was on strict bed rest with you (and had been since the first week of January), so Daddy made stuffed shells and we snuggled on the couch together, watching a movie he gave me called "No Greater Love". The other part of my gift was the precious Willow Tree figurine that sits on your dresser... we were awaiting your arrival with great anticipation!
Now we await our arrival in Heaven with great anticipation--- because then we will be with you forever!
Happy First Valentine's Day in Heaven, Sweet Boy... to think you are spending it with the One Who is Love...
Love,
Mama, Daddy and Sissy
Getting ready for you... your nursery on March 1, 2010. :)
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Love, Sissy
I love you, Ethan!
It's snowing outside.
I wish my Little Brother was here to see it.
It's a blizzard outside!
I love you, Brother, and I miss you!
Mama and Daddy loves you, too!
Love,
Sissy
It's snowing outside.
I wish my Little Brother was here to see it.
It's a blizzard outside!
I love you, Brother, and I miss you!
Mama and Daddy loves you, too!
Love,
Sissy
Friday, February 4, 2011
Ethan, Eight Months Ago Today...
I held you in my arms for the last time on this earth.
The pain is unbearable... yet we bear it because we know you are being cared for perfectly by Jesus Christ Himself, and that we will get to spend Eternity with you.
Daddy, Sissy and I love and miss you more than words could ever, ever, ever say...
We can't wait to be with you again, Sweet Boy.
Love,
Mama
The pain is unbearable... yet we bear it because we know you are being cared for perfectly by Jesus Christ Himself, and that we will get to spend Eternity with you.
Daddy, Sissy and I love and miss you more than words could ever, ever, ever say...
We can't wait to be with you again, Sweet Boy.
Love,
Mama
Sunday, December 12, 2010
You Are Nine Months Old, Baby Boy!
Sweet Ethan,
We took "baby boy blue" balloons to your grave today.
They are bouncing around in the wind, reminding us you are not dead--- you are absolutely full of life!
And we went to the Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting tonight... it is an annual event held to remember and honor children who have passed from this life to the next.
Our favorite part of the evening?
Your name was called out:
"Ethan Carter Lane"
And Daddy, Sissy and I walked up on stage...
Sissy was between Daddy and I, and we all held hands...
With our free hands, Daddy and I each lit the candles we held that represented you from a beautiful big candle... and then the three of us walked with the candles back to our seats.
The room soon filled with candles burning bright...
as so many precious children were honored... including Mrs. Kay's son, Mark... and Mrs. Wendy's sister, Staci.
Today you are nine months old, Baby Boy...
I can't believe it.
Most of all, I can't believe you aren't here with us.
One day, there will be no more candle lighting...
Because we will hold you again.
We wait with great expectation for that day!
We love you and we miss you--- beyond words, beyond measure.
Love,
Mama
We took "baby boy blue" balloons to your grave today.
They are bouncing around in the wind, reminding us you are not dead--- you are absolutely full of life!
And we went to the Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting tonight... it is an annual event held to remember and honor children who have passed from this life to the next.
Our favorite part of the evening?
Your name was called out:
"Ethan Carter Lane"
And Daddy, Sissy and I walked up on stage...
Sissy was between Daddy and I, and we all held hands...
With our free hands, Daddy and I each lit the candles we held that represented you from a beautiful big candle... and then the three of us walked with the candles back to our seats.
The room soon filled with candles burning bright...
as so many precious children were honored... including Mrs. Kay's son, Mark... and Mrs. Wendy's sister, Staci.
Today you are nine months old, Baby Boy...
I can't believe it.
Most of all, I can't believe you aren't here with us.
One day, there will be no more candle lighting...
Because we will hold you again.
We wait with great expectation for that day!
We love you and we miss you--- beyond words, beyond measure.
Love,
Mama
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Not Sure... Yet Sure
I am not sure how much longer I can hold it together this holiday season...
Please, Lord, be near me.
Ethan, words cannot express how much I love and miss you... but I pray you know.
My heart aches for Home... my true home--- because it is the one where you and our other babies and Grampy and Jesus live.
Someday soon, the Lord will split the sky...
and Daddy, Sissy and I will rise... and we will all be together for eternity!
So while I am not sure how much more Christmas I can take, I am sure about this:
On the day Jesus comes back for me, my heart will be made whole.
Please, Lord, be near me.
Ethan, words cannot express how much I love and miss you... but I pray you know.
My heart aches for Home... my true home--- because it is the one where you and our other babies and Grampy and Jesus live.
Someday soon, the Lord will split the sky...
and Daddy, Sissy and I will rise... and we will all be together for eternity!
So while I am not sure how much more Christmas I can take, I am sure about this:
On the day Jesus comes back for me, my heart will be made whole.
"Mama Love Ethan!"
"Mama love Ethan!"
Oh, how I remember saying that in a sing-song voice to you, my Sweet Boy...
it was one of the ways I told you "I love you"--- a special, grammatically-incorrect way. :)
How I long to be able to say those words to you again...
To look into your big, beautiful eyes and tell you with mine just how precious you are to me...
I know you know love like I never have as you sit at the feet of the One Who is Love.
Still, I long to express mine to you...
Because I am your Mama.
Oh, how I remember saying that in a sing-song voice to you, my Sweet Boy...
it was one of the ways I told you "I love you"--- a special, grammatically-incorrect way. :)
How I long to be able to say those words to you again...
To look into your big, beautiful eyes and tell you with mine just how precious you are to me...
I know you know love like I never have as you sit at the feet of the One Who is Love.
Still, I long to express mine to you...
Because I am your Mama.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Your First Snow
Sweet Ethan,
You are missing your First Snow...
I know Heaven is so much better, but I can't help it--- I am heartbroken.
You should be here, with us and your Sissy...
She should be telling you all about snow like she just told me!
She is at the office with your Daddy. I noticed little snowflakes coming down on our back patio, and called Daddy right away to have him take her outside. She got on the phone and proceeded to tell me how snow is made out of ice and water. :)
It is just starting to come down... little, tiny flakes and none on the ground yet.
Sissy's First Snow was in January of 2009, when she was four years old!
And here your first one is, when you are only a few days shy of nine months old... but not here to enjoy it.
Snow is so magical that I wonder if there is any in Heaven... without the bitter cold, of course!
I wonder about so many things in Heaven.
Most of all, I wonder what you are doing.
As your Mama, it's not good enough to just know you are happy and safe... I want details!!
I guess it has to be good enough, though, because I don't get to know the details until I meet you there.
If there is snow in Heaven, I want you to make a big snowball and throw it at Grampy!
Tell him his daughter misses him and can't wait to be with you both!
And if there isn't snow in Heaven...
it means it is nothing compared to the glory you live in.
I love you, Sweet Boy--- and miss you every single moment.
Love,
Mama
You are missing your First Snow...
I know Heaven is so much better, but I can't help it--- I am heartbroken.
You should be here, with us and your Sissy...
She should be telling you all about snow like she just told me!
She is at the office with your Daddy. I noticed little snowflakes coming down on our back patio, and called Daddy right away to have him take her outside. She got on the phone and proceeded to tell me how snow is made out of ice and water. :)
It is just starting to come down... little, tiny flakes and none on the ground yet.
Sissy's First Snow was in January of 2009, when she was four years old!
And here your first one is, when you are only a few days shy of nine months old... but not here to enjoy it.
Snow is so magical that I wonder if there is any in Heaven... without the bitter cold, of course!
I wonder about so many things in Heaven.
Most of all, I wonder what you are doing.
As your Mama, it's not good enough to just know you are happy and safe... I want details!!
I guess it has to be good enough, though, because I don't get to know the details until I meet you there.
If there is snow in Heaven, I want you to make a big snowball and throw it at Grampy!
Tell him his daughter misses him and can't wait to be with you both!
And if there isn't snow in Heaven...
it means it is nothing compared to the glory you live in.
I love you, Sweet Boy--- and miss you every single moment.
Love,
Mama
Sunday, December 5, 2010
To My Son
Dear Ethan,
We took some Christmas decorations out to the cemetery yesterday.
We know you will spend Christmas with Jesus, but we wanted to bring them to your marker, anyway...
because you are our son.
And we miss you so much.
How amazing it must feel to look into the eyes of the One Who came on that first Christmas Day...
To have Him hold you...
I know you are happy, Sweet Boy.
It is how I can still breathe... that and knowing I will be with you again one day.
This Christmas season has already been so hard... and we still have weeks to go before Christmas Day.
I love you, Sweet Boy.
Enjoy the arms of Jesus, Baby.
Love,
Mama
We took some Christmas decorations out to the cemetery yesterday.
We know you will spend Christmas with Jesus, but we wanted to bring them to your marker, anyway...
because you are our son.
And we miss you so much.
How amazing it must feel to look into the eyes of the One Who came on that first Christmas Day...
To have Him hold you...
I know you are happy, Sweet Boy.
It is how I can still breathe... that and knowing I will be with you again one day.
This Christmas season has already been so hard... and we still have weeks to go before Christmas Day.
I love you, Sweet Boy.
Enjoy the arms of Jesus, Baby.
Love,
Mama
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