Valentine's Day in Heaven

Dear Ethan,

Happy Valentine's Day, Sweet Boy!

How I wish you were here... but you are still Mama's Little Valentine!  Always will be.  I love you and miss you so much.

God continues to teach me so much about gratitude as I walk through this life without you by my side.  How I wish you walked next to me, tugging at my hand, always needing something...

It is amazing to think that you don't need anything from me... heartbreaking, yet at the same time, amazing.

The fact that all your needs are met... that you are perfectly happy and whole... it makes my heart smile, in spite of the constant ache.

How I long to tell you I love you face to face today...

How I wish I was receiving a sticky, handmade valentine sealed with a kiss from my one and only son.

Your sisters are beautiful... simply beautiful.

Their hearts shine... I know you know this already, and are so proud.

What is Valentine's Day like in Heaven?

I suspect it's not celebrated.

After all, you are surrounded by perfect love each and every day.  Valentine's Day has no place in Heaven.  It simply isn't needed.

Here on Earth, we need it.  We need a day to stop and take the time to show our love for each other just a little more purposefully and intentionally than we do most days.

But in Heaven?

You never forget to tell each other.  Jesus never forgets to tell you.

You are aware every moment of just how much you are loved.

You know to the full extent the love Jesus has for you, and the love Daddy and I and the rest of your family have for you... you know it perfectly.

Oh, how my heart rejoices at this!

Love,

Mama

Beautiful.

I love these pictures of the girls from Easter last year.  We went to the beach that evening, in time to see the sunset.  It felt like Ethan was shining down on us... simply beautiful.

Our Official Holiday

Since Ethan went to live with Jesus, our little family has decided to have an "official holiday".

We love Thanksgiving and absolutely adore Christmas... but Easter will always hold our hearts in such a special way.

You see, Easter was the only holiday we had Ethan here with us (outside my womb)...

and Easter is the reason Ethan still lives.

About two months ago (on February 6th), while sitting in church on Sunday listening to my husband preach, I felt like God was speaking to me in a precious way.

Before my husband even used the words, "This is for you" that morning, referring to Jesus talking on the cross, I felt God speaking them to me--- about Ethan.

I began furiously writing down what I felt like God was saying might have been His words to Ethan when He (Jesus) was on the cross.

Now, I'm not proclaiming this is what Jesus actually said. Although if He were to reveal to me that these were indeed the exact words He said 2,000 years ago, I would have no problem telling you so. I know God is able to speak to me that personally.

What I do know is that God gave me these words that Sunday two months ago, and He did so for a reason.

"Ethan, this is for you. At the perfect time, you will be born into a family that will have longed for you their entire lives. You will make them whole.

You will be born with a heart that, although perfect to Me, will have a medical defect because of the sickness and disease that is in the world. Your earthly life will be cut short because of this defect.

Your family will grieve terribly for you. They will miss you more than words can say. And they will long for Heaven like never before.

Because, Ethan, that is where you will be. Because of My blood, you will be with Me.

Ethan, this is for you."

Hug...

your children today.



Mama, Ethan and Emily on Mother's Day 2010 (May 9, 2010).

Our Little Valentine

Dear Ethan,

You are our Little Valentine.

We love you and miss you more than we will ever be able to express.

You captured our hearts while you were still in my tummy... which is where you spent your very first Valentine's Day!

We remember it so clearly...

I was on strict bed rest with you (and had been since the first week of January), so Daddy made stuffed shells and we snuggled on the couch together, watching a movie he gave me called "No Greater Love". The other part of my gift was the precious Willow Tree figurine that sits on your dresser... we were awaiting your arrival with great anticipation!

Now we await our arrival in Heaven with great anticipation--- because then we will be with you forever!

Happy First Valentine's Day in Heaven, Sweet Boy... to think you are spending it with the One Who is Love...

Love,

Mama, Daddy and Sissy


Getting ready for you... your nursery on March 1, 2010. :)

Silent

It has been two weeks since my last post...

Between the hustle and bustle of the season and the emotional roller coaster it brought, I have been silent.

We spent Christmas in Florida with our families, and I did not bring my laptop or use any computer at all while we were there...

Maybe I needed the silence.

Sometimes it feels pointless to try to write anything, because nothing explains things adequately.

But, then I am reminded how much I want the world to know my baby boy...

How I long to share how amazing he is and how I love to talk about him.

How I feel like this is a simple way to honor him.

I am grateful for family and friends that remembered and honored him this Christmas season, and I can't wait to share some special things that were done for him and us.

I hope your Christmas was also filled with love, and that you were keenly aware of the Baby who came and changed everything.

:)

A Christmas Poem

It's impossible for me to wipe away the tears, but I still find this poem very special. Thank you to my GriefShare leader, Ellen, who gave it to me.

My First Christmas in Heaven
Author Unknown


I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below
With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars, reflecting on the snow
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can't compare
with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart
But I am not so far away, we really aren't apart.

So be happy for me, dear ones, you know I hold you dear.
And be glad I'm spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory of my undying love.
After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do
For I can't count the blessing or love he has for each of you
So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear
Remember, I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

Not Sure... Yet Sure

I am not sure how much longer I can hold it together this holiday season...

Please, Lord, be near me.

Ethan, words cannot express how much I love and miss you... but I pray you know.

My heart aches for Home... my true home--- because it is the one where you and our other babies and Grampy and Jesus live.

Someday soon, the Lord will split the sky...

and Daddy, Sissy and I will rise... and we will all be together for eternity!

So while I am not sure how much more Christmas I can take, I am sure about this:

On the day Jesus comes back for me, my heart will be made whole.

To My Son

Dear Ethan,

We took some Christmas decorations out to the cemetery yesterday.

We know you will spend Christmas with Jesus, but we wanted to bring them to your marker, anyway...

because you are our son.

And we miss you so much.

How amazing it must feel to look into the eyes of the One Who came on that first Christmas Day...

To have Him hold you...

I know you are happy, Sweet Boy.

It is how I can still breathe... that and knowing I will be with you again one day.

This Christmas season has already been so hard... and we still have weeks to go before Christmas Day.

I love you, Sweet Boy.

Enjoy the arms of Jesus, Baby.

Love,

Mama

Pumpkins For Ethan And His Sissy

I'm a little late posting this, but here are pictures of the pumpkins we got for Ethan and Emily at the pumpkin patch on October 23rd.


On the hayride--- Mama holding Ethan's, Daddy holding Sissy's


Sissy and Daddy getting the seeds out to roast


Daddy and Sissy were trying to carve a heart in Ethan's (because he has a new heart in Heaven), but it didn't quite turn out... whoops! Sissy wanted a heart in hers, too, and that didn't work, either! They both got happy faces on the other side instead. :)


Sissy and Daddy giving each other a high five for a job well done

Oh, Ethan, how we miss you!!

Ethan's Little Pumpkin

Here is the little pumpkin we got for Ethan when we went to the pumpkin patch on October 23rd. We got him a big pumpkin like Sissy's, too, but kept that one at home for him!

A Fitting Holiday

Ethan was too little to go to church on Easter, so he stayed home with Mama.

We never imagined it would be his only Easter...

or the only holiday we would ever share with him on Earth.

When you think about it, it is a fitting holiday for our precious Ethan.

After all, Easter is how our Ethan still lives... and why this separation is only temporary.

Ethan, may your only holiday here always be a special reminder to us of the hope we have.

I love you, my Sweet Boy... oh, how it must feel to see the face of the One Who rose from the dead on that very first Easter!