Our Precious Ethan Carter

Ethan Carter Lane was born on March 12, 2010, perfectly healthy except for a rare congenital heart defect (Supravalvular Aortic Stenosis and Supravalvular Pulmonic Stenosis) that has been passed down through the generations in my family. His sister, Emily (born November 22, 2004), has the same defect. She had two cardiac catheterizations with balloon angioplastys and open-heart surgery, all before the age of one. She is a happy, energetic little girl who has never been sickly (you would never even know she has a heart defect) and has an incredible future. Her little brother Ethan was expected to follow a similar course. He was a "normal baby"... he never looked or acted sick, never struggled, never let us know just how severe his heart defect really was. On June 4, 2010, at two months and three weeks of age, Ethan underwent his first procedure--- a cardiac catheterization with balloon angioplasty. Only they never started the actual procedure. When someone is put under general anesthesia, their blood pressure drops. When the doctors put our precious Ethan under, his heart could not handle the drop in blood pressure. He went into sudden, unexpected cardiac arrest, and teams of doctors tried everything they knew to save him. But, Jesus did the saving that day in His Own special way... and Ethan went to live forever in Heaven. This blog is simply one mother working through her grief and reconciling a Loving God with One Who allows us to suffer the loss of a child. It is also one mother wanting the world to know about her incredibly special son--- and the God Who loves him.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Love, Mama

Dear Ethan,

We just got home from your "special place". We know you aren't really there, but we can't help but go every day, anyway.

Tonight, Sissy and I sat by your grave and sang songs to you, raising our voices and faces to Heaven, like we always do when we sing to you... because we know that's where you really are.

We sang "You Are My Sunshine" first, then "Jesus Loves Me"--- the only song I ever really sang to you when you were here with us. For some reason, I never sang any other... I just repeated that one over and over again.

Looking back, I'm not sure there could have been a better choice. Because when you met Him face to face, you saw how true that song really is.

So, after Sissy and I sang those, she started making up songs about God for us to sing.

And informing me I was singing them incorrectly.

She is a very bossy worship leader! :)

I told her how one day in Heaven, you and her will sing songs to Jesus together.

Oh, Ethan... how wonderful that day will be when we are finally together again--- and for eternity!

After singing, Daddy, Sissy and I prayed like we always do... for God to help us make it through another day, and for amazing things to come from your life.

Ethan, I want you to know He is answering those prayers every day.

We not only make it through each day, but already amazing things have come from your life.

I love you, Sweet Boy...

Beyond measure, forever.

Love,

Mama
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