Our Precious Ethan Carter

Ethan Carter Lane was born on March 12, 2010, perfectly healthy except for a rare congenital heart defect (Supravalvular Aortic Stenosis and Supravalvular Pulmonic Stenosis) that has been passed down through the generations in my family. His sister, Emily (born November 22, 2004), has the same defect. She had two cardiac catheterizations with balloon angioplastys and open-heart surgery, all before the age of one. She is a happy, energetic little girl who has never been sickly (you would never even know she has a heart defect) and has an incredible future. Her little brother Ethan was expected to follow a similar course. He was a "normal baby"... he never looked or acted sick, never struggled, never let us know just how severe his heart defect really was. On June 4, 2010, at two months and three weeks of age, Ethan underwent his first procedure--- a cardiac catheterization with balloon angioplasty. Only they never started the actual procedure. When someone is put under general anesthesia, their blood pressure drops. When the doctors put our precious Ethan under, his heart could not handle the drop in blood pressure. He went into sudden, unexpected cardiac arrest, and teams of doctors tried everything they knew to save him. But, Jesus did the saving that day in His Own special way... and Ethan went to live forever in Heaven. This blog is simply one mother working through her grief and reconciling a Loving God with One Who allows us to suffer the loss of a child. It is also one mother wanting the world to know about her incredibly special son--- and the God Who loves him.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

16 Months Later

Ethan and Daddy, just hours before Ethan went to live with Jesus...




It's been a hard day.

October 4th marked 16 months since Ethan left our arms for the arms of Jesus.

16 months... how can it even be possible?

It still feels like yesterday, and I can still feel him in my arms.

16 months later, and I still wonder every day if it is indeed possible to die from a broken heart.

I still wonder how I function every day, do what I need to do, mother Emily and take care of Baby Julia in my belly...

And I know it all goes back to God's grace.

What does God's grace mean to me now?

It means strength to do the impossible--- to breathe when your child no longer breathes on this earth.

16 months have passed, but as I've said before when it comes to time, it doesn't really mean anything.

16 months later, and the love is still the same.

16 months later, and I long for him as much as I ever have.

16 months later, and he is still my sweet baby boy.

16 months later, and still my heart's cry is...

I miss him.

No comments:

Post a Comment