Our Precious Ethan Carter

Ethan Carter Lane was born on March 12, 2010, perfectly healthy except for a rare congenital heart defect (Supravalvular Aortic Stenosis and Supravalvular Pulmonic Stenosis) that has been passed down through the generations in my family. His sister, Emily (born November 22, 2004), has the same defect. She had two cardiac catheterizations with balloon angioplastys and open-heart surgery, all before the age of one. She is a happy, energetic little girl who has never been sickly (you would never even know she has a heart defect) and has an incredible future. Her little brother Ethan was expected to follow a similar course. He was a "normal baby"... he never looked or acted sick, never struggled, never let us know just how severe his heart defect really was. On June 4, 2010, at two months and three weeks of age, Ethan underwent his first procedure--- a cardiac catheterization with balloon angioplasty. Only they never started the actual procedure. When someone is put under general anesthesia, their blood pressure drops. When the doctors put our precious Ethan under, his heart could not handle the drop in blood pressure. He went into sudden, unexpected cardiac arrest, and teams of doctors tried everything they knew to save him. But, Jesus did the saving that day in His Own special way... and Ethan went to live forever in Heaven. This blog is simply one mother working through her grief and reconciling a Loving God with One Who allows us to suffer the loss of a child. It is also one mother wanting the world to know about her incredibly special son--- and the God Who loves him.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Dear Lord

Emily and Daddy are in the other room, and I can hear her asking him why her little brother died.

Is that really something a five-year-old should have to wonder??

Lord, I know You know what You are doing...

But I don't think I'll ever understand this side of Heaven.

I still can't believe I'm even breathing...

How do I wake up every morning knowing I've buried my son?

It is a miracle I can do this... a miracle I can breathe, a miracle I can function at all.

I am experiencing You in a way I never have before... and frankly, in a way I would never choose to.

I love you, Lord.

Please kiss my sweet boy for me.
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2 comments:

  1. AnonymousNovember 24, 2010 at 11:31 PM

    Oh Bryanne...this just saddens me so much. I am praying for you. I cannot even begin to imagine what you have faced and what you are feeling and experiencing. I will continue to be praying for you and your sweet family. God Bless you guys.

    Betti Caywood

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  2. BryanneNovember 28, 2010 at 7:10 PM

    We are so thankful for your prayers and friendship, Betti!

    ReplyDelete

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