Morning Snuggles

How I miss those mornings when both my babies were with me...

Emily would often come into our bedroom as soon as she woke up, where I would be cuddling with Ethan in our bed after a morning nursing session.

Many times, he would have fallen back asleep, and she would promise not to wake him up.

You can guess how that went. :)

I didn't mind. :)

Morning snuggles with my sweet boy and my baby girl...

I would do anything to have them back.

(These snuggles were captured on April 28, 2010.)

A "Complete-Family" Day

This day last year was the only day we got to take Ethan to the park (this particular park is huge and includes three lakes--- we love it!). The plan was to let Emily ride her bike while Daddy and I walked, pushing Ethan in his stroller.

Daddy tried to tell me that the park didn't allow bikes on the walking path, but I was positive they did. When we arrived, Daddy proved me wrong by pointing out a big sign :), and Emily begged to play on the playground with the other kids.

So Daddy and I happily took turns being with each of our children... me pushing Ethan (who enjoyed sleeping with a cool breeze and the sun on his face!) in the stroller on the walking trail while Daddy watched Emily on the playground, then switching places.

It was a good, good day.

It was a "Complete-Family" Day.

Thank You, Jesus...

for the cross.



Ethan on the evening of June 2, 2010. Less than 48 hours later, he would meet Jesus face to face... and because of the cross, live forever with Him.

One day, I will join them.

This Day Last Year

Resting up (doesn't this position look SO uncomfortable? But he loved sleeping this way!)...


So Mama can make me do "tummy time"! You can't tell, but most of the time I liked it! :)



I love and miss you, Sweet Boy--- as always!

The World's Best OB And The Preacher's Kid

Dr. Virginia Nelson and Ethan on April 19, 2010.

Although no one could have ever imagined it then, this would be the last time they would see each other this side of Heaven.

One of our many fond memories with Dr. Nelson is the day she circumcised Ethan (a week or two before this picture was taken). She also circumcised two other baby boys that morning, and when she was done, she came out to talk to all the parents. When she got to us, she explained that Ethan was a "typical preacher's kid" with a big smile. She had needed to put a couple of stitches in because he would not stop bleeding, and he was only the third baby she had ever had to do that to. He was totally fine, of course, but leave it to the preacher's kid to misbehave! :)

My Heart Is Aching...

to be with you again.




Ethan, these pictures (taken on April 14, 2010) remind me of your first weeks home from the hospital, when your Daddy, Sissy and I would tease that you looked like "a little old man"... especially when you were up on our shoulder, your little face peeking over it and your little cheeks hanging down! :) We nicknamed you "Benjamin Button" and toted you around the house, smothering you with kisses!

We love and miss you, Sweet Boy... we are ready for Jesus to come back and get us!

There Is A Difference

My cousin Erin told me about a song today...

She said she thought of me and Ethan when she heard it on the radio the other day.

It is about someone dying young, and one of the lyrics is:

"I've had just enough time."

It made me think of something I know to be true, but still need to be reminded of often.

Ethan doesn't feel like his life here was cut short, even though it was.

He doesn't look at it like that, even though we do.

He walks and talks with Jesus... looks in the face of the One Who made him... knows nothing but joy...

And can't wait to show me around Heaven.

Linda, a dear friend of ours (in fact, her husband is the friend who preached Ethan's Memorial Service), explained this to me:

Ethan does not miss me... he waits with great expectation for me to join him.

There is a difference.

And it is one I am so grateful for.

I am Ethan's Mama... I can't bear to think of him missing me, because that means he is not completely whole and happy.

Missing someone involves longing and sorrow...

No, I don't want him to miss me.

I thank my God Ethan feels no sorrow. And longs for nothing.

He is, as my sweet friend Linda says, "safe in God's arms".

He is completely whole and happy... he lacks nothing.

But he still looks forward to the day his Mama joins him.

He doesn't miss me--- he waits for me!

I needed this today, Erin. I love you, Cousin.

And I love you, Linda!

The Cutest Little Bottom...

belongs to this Little Monkey!


We love you, Ethan!!

(Pictures taken May 1, 2010.)

Sleepy Baby!

Ethan on April 10, 2010





Missing you so much, Sweet Boy... Mama LOVE Ethan!

Our Official Holiday

Since Ethan went to live with Jesus, our little family has decided to have an "official holiday".

We love Thanksgiving and absolutely adore Christmas... but Easter will always hold our hearts in such a special way.

You see, Easter was the only holiday we had Ethan here with us (outside my womb)...

and Easter is the reason Ethan still lives.

About two months ago (on February 6th), while sitting in church on Sunday listening to my husband preach, I felt like God was speaking to me in a precious way.

Before my husband even used the words, "This is for you" that morning, referring to Jesus talking on the cross, I felt God speaking them to me--- about Ethan.

I began furiously writing down what I felt like God was saying might have been His words to Ethan when He (Jesus) was on the cross.

Now, I'm not proclaiming this is what Jesus actually said. Although if He were to reveal to me that these were indeed the exact words He said 2,000 years ago, I would have no problem telling you so. I know God is able to speak to me that personally.

What I do know is that God gave me these words that Sunday two months ago, and He did so for a reason.

"Ethan, this is for you. At the perfect time, you will be born into a family that will have longed for you their entire lives. You will make them whole.

You will be born with a heart that, although perfect to Me, will have a medical defect because of the sickness and disease that is in the world. Your earthly life will be cut short because of this defect.

Your family will grieve terribly for you. They will miss you more than words can say. And they will long for Heaven like never before.

Because, Ethan, that is where you will be. Because of My blood, you will be with Me.

Ethan, this is for you."

What I Was Doing...

this day last year.