Our Precious Ethan Carter

Ethan Carter Lane was born on March 12, 2010, perfectly healthy except for a rare congenital heart defect (Supravalvular Aortic Stenosis and Supravalvular Pulmonic Stenosis) that has been passed down through the generations in my family. His sister, Emily (born November 22, 2004), has the same defect. She had two cardiac catheterizations with balloon angioplastys and open-heart surgery, all before the age of one. She is a happy, energetic little girl who has never been sickly (you would never even know she has a heart defect) and has an incredible future. Her little brother Ethan was expected to follow a similar course. He was a "normal baby"... he never looked or acted sick, never struggled, never let us know just how severe his heart defect really was. On June 4, 2010, at two months and three weeks of age, Ethan underwent his first procedure--- a cardiac catheterization with balloon angioplasty. Only they never started the actual procedure. When someone is put under general anesthesia, their blood pressure drops. When the doctors put our precious Ethan under, his heart could not handle the drop in blood pressure. He went into sudden, unexpected cardiac arrest, and teams of doctors tried everything they knew to save him. But, Jesus did the saving that day in His Own special way... and Ethan went to live forever in Heaven. This blog is simply one mother working through her grief and reconciling a Loving God with One Who allows us to suffer the loss of a child. It is also one mother wanting the world to know about her incredibly special son--- and the God Who loves him.

Friday, June 3, 2011

I Can't Believe

I can't believe tomorrow is June 4th.

I can't believe that on this date last year, we were spending our last day here on Earth with our son... and didn't even know it.

One of my first blog posts was about that day... I talked about our last family meal, at Olive Garden... I called it "Part One", because I planned to finish describing the day in a second post...

http://ethancarterlane.blogspot.com/2010/07/sweet-sweet-memories-ethan-on-june-3.html

It's a year later, and I haven't written it yet.

Maybe this weekend, I will try.

I want so much to share the rest of that last incredible day we had as a family.

But more than anything, I just want my son back.

I can't explain the longing we have for Ethan. It truly is indescribable.

I know no other pain like this... none.

And then I think of the people who don't know Christ... and will be separated from their loved ones forever.

You see, with all my unbearable pain, I bear it... because I know I will see my son again.

But there are people who will never see their children again, because they don't have a relationship with Christ... and so will be separated from Him and them for all Eternity.

Separation is the worst agony.

I thank God that by His saving grace, it can be temporary.
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