How are we doing six months after holding our precious Ethan for the last time?
Still taking it one day (or hour or second!) at a time.
There are many things I have learned over the last six months. Things I thought to be true, and now know are true.
One of them is that time DOES NOT heal all wounds.
Honestly, I hate the phrase that says it does.
If you have lost a child, you probably hate it, too.
And if you haven't, please try to understand... or at least trust that I know what I'm talking about.
Time DOES NOT heal the wound of burying your child...
of not being able to cuddle him, kiss him, tell him "I love you" or watch him grow...
of watching his Sissy alone when she should have him with her...
of waking up every morning without him, and trying to sleep knowing he won't be there the next morning, either...
Time does not heal the countless, countless, countless wounds of living without him.
Pure and simple.
Josh, Emily and I will always grieve as those who have hope... but, we will always grieve.
I feel like some of the people who love us are waiting for us to "get back to normal"... to "return to our old selves"...
Because they love us.
But, it is never going to happen.
You don't bury your child and remain the same.
My husband and I became different people on June 4, 2010.
Better people, I believe.
Ethan changed us for the better when he was alive... continues to change us for the better now... and will change us for the better forever.
My husband and I love each other more fiercely.
We know what is important in life... and what isn't.
We know the hand of God like we never have before.
We depend on Him for every breath... because there is no breathing otherwise.
There is no doing our relationship with God "halfway". We cannot survive on mediocrity. We need all of Him.
We are better parents. We know that just because we hold Emily in our arms today doesn't mean we will get to hold her in our arms tomorrow.
We know unimaginable sorrow so profoundly... and know God will use that sorrow for His Kingdom and for the good of others.
Our Ethan's life has already had an eternal impact--- and it's only been six months.
No, we will never be the same.
Our Ethan is too special for that.
Thank you, Lord.
And thank you to those who love us... for doing so.
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