Thank You, God

I know I have been so quiet on here lately, particularly with explaining my deepest thoughts and feelings...

I have posted pictures with a line or two underneath them giving a glimpse of my heart, but I haven't been able to express in many words how I feel.

The truth is, a year has come and gone, and I long for my son as much as I always have.

And I don't know how to share the pain without just saying the same thing over and over again:

I miss him.

I miss him.

I miss him.

I do not believe time heals all wounds.

I believe there are some wounds that will only be healed when we meet Jesus face to face.

When Jesus hands me my son, this wound will be healed.

Until then, I cry out for Him to comfort me and help me through each day. There is no making it on my own--- it is simply not possible. There is no "thinking positive" and everything will be alright.

No. His mercies are new every morning--- and that's what it takes.

I know I am unable to breathe without the constant breath of my Heavenly Father... and even then, it is so painful.

I think, in this life, we like to depend on ourselves way too much. And I have come to find out more than ever what I always knew to be true--- we are not enough.

I may be mad at God at times--- furious, actually--- but I still know I need Him.

Being without Ethan is impossible to describe. The pain is unbearable.

Yet, somehow, by God's grace, I bear it.

And that in itself is a miracle.

Thank you, God, for never leaving me.

For waiting patiently in the background when I don't reach for you.

For breathing for me when I can't breathe for myself.

I love you.

Love,

Your Daughter