Our Precious Ethan Carter

Ethan Carter Lane was born on March 12, 2010, perfectly healthy except for a rare congenital heart defect (Supravalvular Aortic Stenosis and Supravalvular Pulmonic Stenosis) that has been passed down through the generations in my family. His sister, Emily (born November 22, 2004), has the same defect. She had two cardiac catheterizations with balloon angioplastys and open-heart surgery, all before the age of one. She is a happy, energetic little girl who has never been sickly (you would never even know she has a heart defect) and has an incredible future. Her little brother Ethan was expected to follow a similar course. He was a "normal baby"... he never looked or acted sick, never struggled, never let us know just how severe his heart defect really was. On June 4, 2010, at two months and three weeks of age, Ethan underwent his first procedure--- a cardiac catheterization with balloon angioplasty. Only they never started the actual procedure. When someone is put under general anesthesia, their blood pressure drops. When the doctors put our precious Ethan under, his heart could not handle the drop in blood pressure. He went into sudden, unexpected cardiac arrest, and teams of doctors tried everything they knew to save him. But, Jesus did the saving that day in His Own special way... and Ethan went to live forever in Heaven. This blog is simply one mother working through her grief and reconciling a Loving God with One Who allows us to suffer the loss of a child. It is also one mother wanting the world to know about her incredibly special son--- and the God Who loves him.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

(Warning: Raw Emotion)

So much sadness, so many tears.

There really are no words to express the agony we feel.

My husband cried for Ethan in the middle of lunch at Pizza Hut the other day.

In the middle of the night that night, I sobbed silently in our bed...

and then heard Emily crying for Ethan in hers, too.

Today, I took Emily to the tree house play area in the mall...

but could only bear to stay 15 minutes, because there was a little boy there.

Last night, Emily cried when I picked her up from Dance and Gymnastics because a little girl had made fun of her during class.

I know the girl was just being a kid and I told Emily all the right things... but secretly, I wanted to find the little girl's parents and explain to them that my daughter just lost her baby brother--- that she is dealing with enough right now and doesn't need other kids being mean to her just because they feel like it.

I look in the mirror, and I don't look the same anymore.

And why should I?

My eyes have seen my dead son.

My lips have kissed my dead son.

My arms have held my dead son.

Ethan was ripped from us.

And there is no getting him back in this life.

Thank God for the next.

Grief is ugly...

there really are no words.
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4 comments:

  1. Nickie MorrellSeptember 14, 2010 at 8:42 PM

    My heart hurts for you so much! I really wish I could just press a button and fix this all. You will continue to pray for you guys daily!!! Love you!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. BryanneSeptember 14, 2010 at 9:55 PM

    Thank you so much, Nickie... we love you, too!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Erin Grey Kruse PereiraSeptember 15, 2010 at 8:25 AM

    We love you all so much. Our heart aches with yours. Our thoughts and prayers are with you always <3

    ReplyDelete
  4. BryanneSeptember 15, 2010 at 12:23 PM

    We love you all, too! Thank you again for being with us for Ethan's wake and funeral... you will never know how much it meant to us!

    ReplyDelete

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