Dear Ethan,
Mama loves you, Sweet Boy!
It is getting harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning... but, your Sissy, who I know you love so very much, makes it possible! I know you know what a bright and shining light she is!
In the last few days before you went to Heaven, you seemed especially smitten with her (or at least we were able to see it even more)! The way you looked at her, your eyes fixed on her every move around you... precious... and she definitely got your smiles! Your beautiful, beautiful smiles...
Ethan, I can't help but mourn the relationship you and Emily would have continued to build over the years, though I know you will have it in Heaven. She was in love with you from the time you were in my tummy, and I know you have always felt that love.
Remember the raspberries she did on my tummy all day, every day? We called it her farting on you! It sounds funny when I write it, but it was so, so beautiful. She couldn't WAIT for you to get here, Baby Boy...
The truth is, we had all been waiting for you our entire lives.
Ethan, there is something else that helps me get out of bed in the morning. It is the promise that we WILL be together again... and I long for that day. I long for the Rapture, when your Daddy and I will hold ALL of our children together, for the first time. And there will be no goodbyes, ever.
Losing you in this life, Ethan, feels so unbearable. The fact that I can even function is a complete mystery to me. I guess it has something to do with the fact that I grieve, but I grieve as one who has hope... because I know I will see you again.
And then, for the very first time, I will hear you say, "I love you, Mama".
I love you, Ethan, and your place in our family will never change or be filled. My arms will always have an empty spot that belongs to you, and my heart will never be whole in this life.
I know you are safe, Ethan, and being loved perfectly as you enjoy the arms of Jesus. You are the Little Brother in Heaven, too, just as you are on Earth! I know even as Daddy, Sissy and I mourn your absence here, Sammy, Asher and MacKenzie rejoice that you are with them! I guess you aren't able to cause mischief in Heaven, but I would sure like to see it! :)
I love you, Sweet Boy!!
Love,
Mama
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