"Catastrophic loss wreaks destruction like a massive flood. It is unrelenting, unforgiving, and uncontrollable, brutally erosive to mind, body, and spirit. Sometimes loss does its damage instantly, as if it were a flood resulting from a broken dam that releases a great torrent of water, sweeping away everything in its path. Sometimes loss does its damage gradually, as if it were a flood resulting from unceasing rain that causes rivers and lakes to swell until they spill over their banks, engulfing, saturating, and destroying whatever the water touches. In either case, catastrophic loss leaves the landscape of one's life forever changed.
My experience was like a dam that broke. In one moment I was overrun by a torrent of pain I did not expect."
I wanted to share the above, written by Jerry Sittser in his book "A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows Through Loss", because when a doctor came into Ethan's hospital room on the morning of June 4th and told me they were trying to resuscitate my son, the dam started cracking horrifically. And when Dr. McMahon told us he was gone, the dam broke.
And there is no putting it back together.
There is only learning how to live in the water.
Wow, that is a perfect analogy. I know the pain of the dam breaking - the shock, guilt, and pain and can't imagine yours. It does change you forever and makes you look at things differently. I will tell you that time will help heal...not completely but makes things tolerable. I will continue to pray for you and hope the waters become managable. I love you!
ReplyDeleteI love you, too, Cousin! I think about Christopher all the time and wonder what he would be doing now, what his children would be like, as I know (assume) you do. And, of course, the brother/sister bond between you and him! I think about him and Nick together, too. I also understand more how alone you probably felt when he died... I will call you soon--- I love and miss you!
ReplyDeleteAnd I am grateful for your prayers!!
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