Our Precious Ethan Carter

Ethan Carter Lane was born on March 12, 2010, perfectly healthy except for a rare congenital heart defect (Supravalvular Aortic Stenosis and Supravalvular Pulmonic Stenosis) that has been passed down through the generations in my family. His sister, Emily (born November 22, 2004), has the same defect. She had two cardiac catheterizations with balloon angioplastys and open-heart surgery, all before the age of one. She is a happy, energetic little girl who has never been sickly (you would never even know she has a heart defect) and has an incredible future. Her little brother Ethan was expected to follow a similar course. He was a "normal baby"... he never looked or acted sick, never struggled, never let us know just how severe his heart defect really was. On June 4, 2010, at two months and three weeks of age, Ethan underwent his first procedure--- a cardiac catheterization with balloon angioplasty. Only they never started the actual procedure. When someone is put under general anesthesia, their blood pressure drops. When the doctors put our precious Ethan under, his heart could not handle the drop in blood pressure. He went into sudden, unexpected cardiac arrest, and teams of doctors tried everything they knew to save him. But, Jesus did the saving that day in His Own special way... and Ethan went to live forever in Heaven. This blog is simply one mother working through her grief and reconciling a Loving God with One Who allows us to suffer the loss of a child. It is also one mother wanting the world to know about her incredibly special son--- and the God Who loves him.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

That's Mine

I took Emily to McDonald's for lunch today after a morning spent at the dentist and the library.

Of course, we had to do the PlayPlace (really the only reason we even go there!), and when it was time to go, I told Emily we needed to leave and started to gather our trash. She was up inside one of the tunnels with a new little friend.

As I was at the nearby trash can, she called out, "Okay, Mama!" Then she instantly turned to the little girl and said, "That's mine" in a content, super-proud little voice.

As in, "That's My Mama."

Wow.

My heart did that little lurch... you know, the one where you realize it is walking around outside of your body in the form of the little ones you gave birth to...

It was one of those moments I'll treasure, even though she doesn't even realize she said anything special.

As we headed toward the car, I couldn't help but think about how Ethan will never turn to a friend and say, "That's mine."

And my heart ached... because not only is it walking around outside of my body in the form of the little ones I gave birth to, it is also walking around on streets of gold in Heaven.

Because when Ethan left, he took so much of it with him.

No, I will never hear him tell people I am his Mama on Earth.

But, I pray that one day, when I get to Heaven, he turns to those around him and says, in a content, super-proud voice...

"That's mine."
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2 comments:

  1. AnonymousSeptember 3, 2010 at 1:14 AM

    Hi, I was looking at Jensen Byrd's story and I saw you. What a beautiful baby boy. You daughter is also beautiful.I will pray for your family. Life is not easy. Love, Ginny Lane
    Look we have the same last name

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  2. BryanneSeptember 3, 2010 at 10:14 AM

    Thank you so much, Ginny... and we appreciate your prayers!! It is only by a special grace from God that we are even still breathing. The Byrds are always on my heart and mind as well, and though I never met Jensen, I will never forget him. I do not always understand God, but I know both Jensen and Ethan are safe in His arms.
    P.S.- Great last name!

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