He Will Tell Me

Dear Ethan,

I'm missing you, Sweet Boy--- as always!

Daddy and Sissy and I went to the beach for a few days--- to a place called Destin, Florida. We got home tonight, and brought a painted shell to your "special place" for you.

Your Sissy had so much fun "surfing" at the beach, playing in the sand, finding little fish and throwing them back in the water, swimming at the hotel pool...

The three of us talked about you constantly--- as usual! And, as usual, you were always in our thoughts... every second.

We mourn that you will never dip your feet in the ocean, see the sun set over the water, build little castles in the sand... that you never saw a fish (or any animal!)... that you will never take a beach vacation with us, your family.

Ethan, do you know how proud I am to be your Mama??

I must have made your Daddy reassure me a million times this week that you were having even more fun in Heaven than we were at the beach. "Promise me!", I said, over and over again.

Your Daddy was very patient. :)

I love you, Baby Boy. I long to hold you and smell your sweet baby smell... to nurse you... to smother you with kisses... to touch your little chin with my finger or sing your name to see you smile...

I ache for you every single moment.

I think to myself that God better have had a really, really good reason for bringing you home to Him instead of leaving you here with us.

And you know what?

He did.

And I believe--- I trust--- that one day when I see Him face to face as you do now, He will tell me what it was.

I love you, Ethan--- beyond words.

Love,

Mama