Another Day Closer

I pulled up to a green light today and stopped as if it were a red light... and then sat there for a couple of minutes before I realized it.

Sometimes I can't remember where I'm going or how to get there. I struggled for a long time to remember how to get to our local Walmart yesterday... the same one we go to several times a week.

I forget to do important things such as pay bills... even when I have just talked about needing to do them moments before.

As the days tick by without my son, I struggle to keep functioning.

We were going to take down Ethan's pack-n-play today. Although we are leaving almost all of Ethan's things intact/untouched, such as his nursery, Josh and I thought it made sense to get the pack-n-play out of the kitchen/family room and put it away to keep it nice.

But then Emily started bawling and begging us to keep it up--- forever.

She said it reminds her of Ethan and that it is where he used to lay, and that she misses him so bad.

I told Josh that just as we want Ethan's nursery and other things kept the same, we need to let her have things she needs kept the same.

I know some would encourage us not to do this (thinking it will increase our pain or that it "isn't healthy"), but all I can say is we can't imagine doing anything else. His nursery is his nursery... and it would cause us more pain to put his things away as if it isn't.

We are obviously still finding our way on this path of grief, and know we will be for the rest of our lives. I am learning you do what you need to do just to make it through the day. And each day I make it through is another day closer to seeing my son again.

Come quickly, Lord Jesus.