Today was Emily's last baseball game of the season.
When she was in the bathtub this morning, she said in a sad voice, "Ethan never got to see me play baseball at all."
I told her maybe she and Ethan will play baseball together in Heaven one day... and about how when she gets to Heaven she will say, "Ethan, here I am!" and he will say, "That's my Big Sissy!"
In the car on the way to her game, I told her if she wanted we could get a baseball and take it out to Ethan's grave... that even though he isn't really there, things we take there are still really special. She liked the idea of taking him a ball, and I told her she would have to sign it since she was the player.
Josh was driving, and silent tears streamed down his face when she told us exactly what she wanted written on the baseball:
"Dear Ethan,
I played baseball. I hope you are playing baseball in Heaven.
Love,
Emily, to Ethan"
Oh, Jesus, be near us now...
I haven't written for a week, because I haven't really known what to say. Words have felt meaningless. There is simply no way to adequately describe the pain. Being separated from Ethan, though it is only temporary, is horrific.
Josh and I are just taking it one day at a time... doing our best to take care of each other and our sweet Emily, and depending on God for every breath.
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