Our Precious Ethan Carter

Ethan Carter Lane was born on March 12, 2010, perfectly healthy except for a rare congenital heart defect (Supravalvular Aortic Stenosis and Supravalvular Pulmonic Stenosis) that has been passed down through the generations in my family. His sister, Emily (born November 22, 2004), has the same defect. She had two cardiac catheterizations with balloon angioplastys and open-heart surgery, all before the age of one. She is a happy, energetic little girl who has never been sickly (you would never even know she has a heart defect) and has an incredible future. Her little brother Ethan was expected to follow a similar course. He was a "normal baby"... he never looked or acted sick, never struggled, never let us know just how severe his heart defect really was. On June 4, 2010, at two months and three weeks of age, Ethan underwent his first procedure--- a cardiac catheterization with balloon angioplasty. Only they never started the actual procedure. When someone is put under general anesthesia, their blood pressure drops. When the doctors put our precious Ethan under, his heart could not handle the drop in blood pressure. He went into sudden, unexpected cardiac arrest, and teams of doctors tried everything they knew to save him. But, Jesus did the saving that day in His Own special way... and Ethan went to live forever in Heaven. This blog is simply one mother working through her grief and reconciling a Loving God with One Who allows us to suffer the loss of a child. It is also one mother wanting the world to know about her incredibly special son--- and the God Who loves him.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

I Should Be...

As I told a sweet friend recently, one of the hardest things I do is wake up and get out of bed every morning, knowing it is another day without my son.

Today was no exception.

I assume the 4th of every month will carry even more pain than some other days do (although it doesn't feel like any day is ever any "easier"), just as every Friday does.

But, today is Independence Day...

I should be dressing my children in cooridinating red, white and blue outfits for the city's celebration tonight... Ethan should be being bounced on the laps of his church family, smiling that smile that melts us... he should be enjoying the sun on his face as Mama frets about keeping him under the shade... Daddy and I should be cuddling with him and his sister under a beautiful sky of exploding light... covering Ethan's ears and worrying the fireworks might scare him as his sister revels in each one...

But, today will unfold far differently than this... and I need God's peace...

I need His peace so I can dress Emily in red, white and blue... so I can watch her delight in our church family... so I can appreciate her smile that melts us... so I can see her enjoy the sun on her face while I fret about her getting sunburned... so Daddy and I can cuddle with her under a beautiful sky of exploding light... so I can watch her revel in each firework...

God, help me enjoy my daughter today as my heart aches inconsolably for my son.
Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)